You never really know what another person is going through... .
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This photo is nearly two years old... I remember exactly where I was mentally when I snapped this selfie in my Aunts bathroom after I pulled myself together one more time before we went to my big brothers memorial service. I remember the numbness, and how I just didn’t want to cry anymore. How I didn’t want to see everyone who loved him falling apart like how I was. I didn’t want to be there. But none of us did.... .
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It’s been two years since my brother committed suicide. When I woke up on Oct. 23 2016, I never would have thought my life would be changed by the time I laid down that evening. Forever.
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I’m still just as lost as I was in this moment. Not quite as numb, but still insentient. Between losing my mom and my big brother, I lost quite a bit of myself, and when I try to put all of the pieces of my broken heart back together I still come up short. Most days, smiling and being around humans is enough... most days.
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But even in the lowest moments, I’m reminded of the amazing people in my life and why this life is worth waking up for every morning. .
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To the people who hold me up when I can’t hold myself: thank you. I really can’t put into words how much I appreciate you being there to lift me up and take the negative thoughts out of my head. Thank you for reminding me how good the sunshine feels on my face and how beautiful the world can be. .
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To the people who also battle with depression and suicidal thoughts: you are not alone. Ever. I don’t care if it’s 3am or you’re a million miles away, if we’ve never spoken or are close friends; I AM HERE FOR YOU. Cry, yell, breakdown, fall apart, but let me help you pick yourself back up before you let yourself fall further.
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And to everyone reading this:
Hold onto every moment you can with your loved ones, and don’t take anything for granted. Send that good morning text or that I love you snap or whatever you think you’re doing to annoy the people you love and do it without hesitation. That simple act could save their life. Check in on your friends and family. Tell them what they mean to you, because you may never have the chance. 💜
